Please don't consider this post as I'm back from my hiatus. Its just another rant-out-feelings type out. Its about me being incapable of handling my feelings. Read on if you'd like. Forgive me, its kind of emotional (:

I tend to be two faced - the highest elevation of art. Which is to show the sides of me whenever I feel like it. And honestly, I've got to hail myself for being quite good at this. To me, its called growing up, because you can't just let your outrageous feelings flow like how menstruation does. Just mainly for that reason - you can't afford to bear the undesirable consequences.

Be rest assured, I won't play with my feelings. If I am certain I have a good impression or liking towards you, you just have to ask and the truth will be revealed. Or else if its the other way round, I'd say "Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies" for I abhor hurting others - a form of respect.

For once, I'd was so full of myself, thinking that I'd be able to control my temper, showing the phases of regardless being over the moon or like a dead leaf drifting away. One person close enough to me, whom I loved wholeheartedly, proved me wrong.

This person, taught me that I was still a novice in controlling my feelings. It ain't easy as you think. For its really getting on my nerves, keeping my mind in a whirl for this couple of days. It irks you 24/7, gets you out of your concentration in whatever you're doing. Somehow, this feeling seems like an addiction to me. I just can't get it out of my head.

Let me just start from square one. One thing you'd let me down on, and off I go throwing my temper at you. People say "Ignorance is bliss", and I did just that - ignoring you. And to think of it, I fucking contradict the statement above. It just exacerbates the whole thing. If it's a tom dick harry friend you've met along your life, I'd say - let it go. They won't be staying in your life for long, so hurl them as far away as you can. But for one you know you had a connection with, confided to with your deepest secrets, I'd say you better hang onto it till your very last breath.

The latter was exactly what I did - I held on. Knowing that ultimately I'd still be the one apologising to you, saying every "sorry", makes me feel the heat. I know you won't take the initiative to speak out, therefore I took the first step. It was a desperate measure to rekindle our friendship. And I had to do whatever it takes to make anything happen. For I wasn't ready to let you go, to get you out of my life. Guess I just wasn't brave enough to step out of my comfort zone.

Definitely, it was hard for me to give my pride to the dogs. But I made up my mind. I didn't care what you'd think of me, thick skin perhaps? But as long as we kept that friendship going, I was contented. Hence, here I am seeking for your forgiveness. Its a promise through the text I've sent you that I won't give you the cold shoulder nor the silent treatment as long as I live.

Yes, you can count on me. I have my principles. And one of them is not breaking the promises I make to anyone, for its not meant to be broken, but kept till the last tide. One thing I know is that, I've never stopped loving you, not once. Not even when I was pissed at you, nor when we had our altercations, never.

Everything's going to turn out for the better, for I am keeping my fingers crossed.